Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Notes to Self

1. Please do not start pouring milk for your coffee until the spout is OVER the mug.  Premature tipping of the milk carton makes you look like a total aspz spax  spaz.


2. Your coat pocket on a Sunday morning when you are late leaving the house is not a recommended storage container for fresh chicken eggs. Bending over while storing fresh chicken eggs in this manner is also not recommended. The  use of a hot air dryer while remedying the natural consequences of this misguided and irresponsible behavior will not result in the fortuitous appearance of a scrambled egg breakfast in your coat pocket.

3. Please advise all children that the sudden appearance of  rain issuing from the garage ceiling is BAD and must be discouraged.  Any indoor precipitation events must be reported to the authorities immediately. Children should also be reminded that reporting should not be delayed until the problem reaches Code Red  ("call the plumber") status merely because they are testing the hypothesis that there is a secret "plumber's butt" requirement for receiving a plumber's license in this state.  The plumber's daily clothing choices were not made with your amusement in mind and it is not politically correct to make fun of people who are wardrobe-challenged.

4. Lady GaGa songs are not suitable for humming and/or whistling.  You should stop doing this immediately.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Very Important Jobs

One of the dangers of working from home is that there is no boss, supervisor, or nosy co-worker who will walk by at an inopportune moment and catch you not working.  No one to see (gossip about, fire you for) how many games of solitaire you just played, how often you pay your bills at work, or how long you daydream for.  There is a total absence of peer pressure to keep you focused on the work you are supposed to be doing (I don't count my three-year old as a peer on this issue [or any other, if we are being strictly accurate]:  as far as he knows, solitaire is not just my job but my entire life and he doesn't seem to be passing judgment).  Which means that when the laws governing testamentary tru . . . .


Oops.  Sorry.

testamentary trusts threaten to shrivel your brain, there is no one around to give you the evil eye if you suddenly find it absolutely necessary to wash out your garbage cans or clean out your keyboard. Not that these are unimportant tasks, but perhaps it is not vital that they be undertaken NOW, during the prime working hours when most of the kids are out of the house.  And, although pride in your work is a good thing, it is probably a better thing that no one (non-judgmental three-year olds excepted) is around to see how someone who just recently was caught napping over trusts could attack a keyboard with such relish (and baby wipes and paperclip ends).  Or to ask why a person who works at a lap top (which has its very own spiffy keyboard built right in!), would feel compelled to plug in a second keyboard.


(Well, I found it when I was cleaning yesterday and it looked cool, so I decided to plug it in and give it a go.  What do you think of it?  Clean, isn't it?)

Friday, January 8, 2010

Good news/Bad news

So the good news is that I didn't eat any extra chocolate this morning.  By this, I mean no chocolate aside from the chocolate chips that were rightfully located in my banana bread, which I ate for an actual breakfast and not a 'breakfast dessert.'  The bad news is that I ordered some more fiber for spinning.  Today's tally is plus one for the food diet, minus one for the yarn/fiber diet.  Maybe if I spin a whole lot, or really fast, it can count as aerobic exercise, and then I can claim the fiber shopping accident (curse you Dizzy Sheep!) was all part of my new diet and exercise regime.  Yeah.  That's it . . . all part of my plan.