Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Notes to Self

1. Please do not start pouring milk for your coffee until the spout is OVER the mug.  Premature tipping of the milk carton makes you look like a total aspz spax  spaz.


2. Your coat pocket on a Sunday morning when you are late leaving the house is not a recommended storage container for fresh chicken eggs. Bending over while storing fresh chicken eggs in this manner is also not recommended. The  use of a hot air dryer while remedying the natural consequences of this misguided and irresponsible behavior will not result in the fortuitous appearance of a scrambled egg breakfast in your coat pocket.

3. Please advise all children that the sudden appearance of  rain issuing from the garage ceiling is BAD and must be discouraged.  Any indoor precipitation events must be reported to the authorities immediately. Children should also be reminded that reporting should not be delayed until the problem reaches Code Red  ("call the plumber") status merely because they are testing the hypothesis that there is a secret "plumber's butt" requirement for receiving a plumber's license in this state.  The plumber's daily clothing choices were not made with your amusement in mind and it is not politically correct to make fun of people who are wardrobe-challenged.

4. Lady GaGa songs are not suitable for humming and/or whistling.  You should stop doing this immediately.

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