Wednesday, June 19, 2013

In which We Have a Little Panic

Numerically speaking, my life is whizzing out of control.

Here are my stats.  You may weep at the state of my affairs, if you are so moved.

  1. 1. Number of days until we leave THE COUNTRY (I'm a little freaked out by this part, can you tell?):  6, but only if you are generous enough to count today, which is almost over, and Monday, which is the day we leave.  
  2. 2. Number of suitcases packed:  none; clothes are all dirty and we're not really sure where the suitcases are.  They're duffel bags anyway. We are still not mature enough to own "suitcases" and wouldn't even know where to look for such a thing as a "valise"
  3. 3. Packing lists generated: none
  4.  4. Ideas of what to pack: Zero.  I'm too busy to deal with minor details. (see below)
  5.  5. Number of pages left to edit: 80
  6.  6. Days remaining in which to edit said pages: 2
  7. 7. Panic level resulting from work load/work time imbalance: 6
  8. 8.  Brain power not engaged in freaking out about impending travel and therefore available for work: 25%
  9. 9. Revised panic level: 11
  10. 10.  Loads of laundry left to do: 5, not counting everything we wore this week and will also need for vacation
  11. 11.  Number of children who don't actually own enough shorts to go on vacation for 10 days to Central America: 2/4.  Could be worse.
  12. 12.  Time available to correct #11: theoretically: 72 hours (excluding work days); realistically: 45 minutes (see below)
  13. 13. Number of softball/baseball games to be watched: Five if the teams lose, seven if they win.  I sense a moral confict coming on.
  14. 14. Number of children turning 15 in two days: 1
  15. 15. Number of presents bought: 0
  16. 16. Number of presents thought of: 0
  17. 17. Expected amount by which cost of last minute, panic-induced gifts will exceed reasonable birthday budget: 50%
  18. 18.  Number of unwashed dishes in the sink:  not sure; we can't find the sink under all the dishes
  19. 19. Number of children now on summer vacation and constantly either in my way or up to no good instead of conveniently located and constructively occupied at school: 4
  20. 20. Number of disputes/squabbles/differences, petty and grand, to mediate:  not sure what this number is called, but it is almost certainly irrational and I refuse to deal with it
  21. 21. Number of post-school papers/projects/leftover supplies taking oer my kitchen counter: not sure I can count that high. Certainly the level falls somewhere on the continuum between "Fire Hazard" and "Candidate for Hoarders"
  • Items 2-4, 10-13, 18-21: Bury head in sand, hope they go away
  • Items 1, 5 - 9, 14 - 17: PANIC!!!!!!!

Part A: Wednesday through Friday:
  • Items 5 & 6: Barricade self in office; ignore all other items so as to finish by Friday
  • Items 7-9: pretend I didn't see this
  • Item 10: do laundry while working.  Or really, on occasional breaks from work. There's nothing like some boring work to make folding laundry seem like a treat. Or some boring laundry to make work seem like a good option. Win-win, right?
Part B: Friday night through Sunday:
  • Item 13: pray for rain? Or pack an audiobook (driving is boring!), some sandwiches, and some knitting and enjoy the great outdoors.
  • Items 14-17: pray for inspiration and, maybe, an additional paycheck
  • Items 18 & 21: Barricade family out of kitchen, buy paper plates, and order a lot of pizza.  Also, consider having a bonfire
  • Items 19, 20: Barricade children out of house until they stop behaving like barbarians and develop a sense of appreciation for their lovely home and the joys of summer vacation 
  • Revised plan for items 18-21: Let reformed children back into house, barricade them into the kitchen, and put children to work earning their keep. 
  • Items 1-4:  Well, there's always Monday, right?

1 comment:

  1. You didn't mention drugs or alcohol once ! LOL Where are you going in central America ?