Thursday, May 13, 2010

Warning!!! Do Not Let This Happen To You!!

The Patio People have been very busy here for the last week. They have been doing things like this:


and this, which is actually an enormous improvement over what was originally there:


and they have left us this:


which we love dearly.

There is a dark side to all this business, though, and  Cody was the first to recognize it.  The first day that the Patio Peeps showed up, he ate his crate liner. 


Some might say he is anxiety prone, but those of us who paid the breeder enormous sums of money for him  know that this dog is the result of years of careful selection and breeding.  A thoroughbred.  A truly exceptional canine who is so attuned to his environment that he can sense evil even when it is carefully concealed.  When a dog like this starts sending up warning signals, it's best to listen. 

Unfortunately, most of his warnings are encrypted and we sometimes misinterpret them. This might explain why we were so willing to let the boys climb all over this little excavator.


Or why we let a four year old "drive" the seemingly innocent tractor lurking in the background.

See? Aren't we all having so much fun??

Then I started to see the warning signs and I understood what the dog had been trying to tell us: we were in the presence of Great Danger, disguised as an orange tractor.  We're talking pure evil.  A creature so black of heart that it would stop at nothing to dispose of those in its way. 

I could tell this mostly from looking at the cheerful little drawings of DISASTER that were plastered all over the beast.

(1. Please behave yourself, or I will pitch you head-first onto the cold, hard ground.  2. Please do not crowd me, or I will beat you senseless with my bucket.)

(3. Please do not park me here or I will be forced to roll over your leg.)

(Shall we play a game?  Catch!!  Bwahahahaha!)

I can't even begin to guess what happened here:

And I suppose if you're going to drive this thing straight into the electrical lines, then you kind of deserve this:

This is a reminder to all of us to fasten our seat belts when we drive large tractors across steep slopes:

Here is a friendly reminder from the dump trailer:

(No lying down on the job!)

Our very own lawn tractor is no better:

(Please do not drive me on steep slopes.  I just hate that!)

(Not suitable for use in manicure or pedicure.)

(Please do not drive forward . . .

or backward over small babies.)

No wonder Matty runs screaming into the house everytime El Husbando fires up the tractor to mow the lawn.

And  for those of us who really can't get it through our heads:  don't stick your hands in the giant green electrical box on the lawn.

Jeez!! Who dreams this stuff up?  The Disaster Drawings are unsigned, but I suspect that the artist is the same on all of them and I think he's one sick puppy.  And, just to be safe, we're going to take the dog's advice and stay in the house until that crazy orange tractor is gone.

1 comment:

  1. I'm laughing so loud that MY dog is having an anxiety attack! Indeed, who comes up with that stuff. Of course, I also remember the time when a 10-year old neighbor boy found the keys in the ignition of a bulldozer being used during construction of a house down the street and took himself for a very terrifying joyride. Luckily it was also a very SLOW joyride, and my dad was able to jump on and turn the darn thing off. Anxiety, yuppers...

    Oh, and the patio is beautiful!