Wednesday, June 9, 2010

This is Getting a Little Crazy

1. This is the washing machine.  According to a statement issued last week by the Clothing and Fabric Maintenance division of the Union of Disgruntled Household Appliances, it is on strike and will refuse to work until management (that would be me) agrees to limit to a reasonable amount the gross tonnage per load that the machine is expected to wash.  We are scheduled to go to arbitration on this matter sometime between 1 and 5 p.m. this afternoon, but management (me, again) has reason to question the impartiality of the arbitrator (the Sears Repair Man), who has been known to charge management (still me) a great deal of money while issuing  lectures on Proper Load Size, Responsible Soap Usage, and 101 Reasons Why You Should Not Have Believed the Saleswoman Who Said You Could Use This Fine Machine to Wash Every Towel In The House At Once.

2. This is the last bit of clean laundry in the house.


Everything else is dirty and it is unsafe at the present time to open bedroom closets because you will certainly be lost under the avalanche of stinky clothing. Even I, with my plentiful clothing reserves, have reached the Underwear Crisis Point.  Normally, this would be the reminder that it really is time to get the laundry done, but (as noted above)  I can't.

3. This is quite a fashion statement:

fashion statement

Pretty soon we'll all be wearing get ups like this if the "Impartial" Arbitrator/Sears Repair Guy doesn't quit lecturing me and start fixing my stuff.

4.  This is my freezer door. 


It contains a water spout, which is fully capable of filling a cup well past its capacity, as Matty learns on a regular basis.  It also contains an ice maker that has been on strike for the last two years.  Today, sometime between the hours of 1 and 5 p.m., the Sears Repair Man will have the golden opportunity to lecture me on The Use and Care of Your Ice-Maker.  He will also get to charge me extra money for this treat. This is bound to make his day, heartless, pro-appliance wretch that he is.

 5.  This is my new yellow vacuum cleaner.


It is a huge improvement over my old gray vacuum cleaner in two vital respects.  First, it has a cheery yellow exterior, which gives the impression that vacuuming is fun and that  it is terribly happy to be sucking pounds of pet hair off my floor. Second, it doesn't smoke while it is working.  I would like to think that the quick and decisive manner in which I brought this vacuum in to replace my old cheerless, smoky vacuum would serve as a warning to any other appliances that were considering a work stoppage.  Unfortunately, the first thing that happened after I threw out the old gray vacuum was an epic washing machine strike that clearly was undertaken in retaliation for my failure to properly retire a faithful servant.

6.  This is why I knit.  At least with the knitting, I can either fix mistakes myself, or punish the misbehaving yarn/needles/pattern by unraveling the knitting, stomping on the needles, sticking the project in deep storage (like under the bed) for a year or two, or posting unflattering pictures of it.  Nobody lectures me and nobody charges me money for the privilege of being lectured to. Also, if things go right, I get a warm sweater, or a cozy pair of socks.  Here is my February Lady sweater.  My friend Deb brought her son over to keep my son busy yesterday and we yakked and drank coffee and stuffed ourselves with scones and did some knitting.  I finally got to the sleeve divide and the start of the lace pattern and the beginning of my second ball of yarn, which puts me firmly past the 25% done mark on this project.


(yes, I see that the sweater is upside down, but I am knitting it from the top down, so it is supposed to look like this, right?)

7. This is my second Nutkin sock.  I gave it a tiny little picture because it is still a tiny little sock and I'm mad at it.  This picture is also upside down, but that's because I'm punishing the sock.  So there.

8. This is two skeins of Dream in Color Classy, in the Beach Fog color.


They want to be a Springtime Bandit when they grows up and I'm trying really, really hard NOT to wind the yarn into little yarn cakes and begin this project.  With the exception of my incorrigible Nutkin sock, I'm finding that the benefit of actually working on a project is that you actually make progress on it.  If I start a third project, I will begin to experience the Project Dilution Cycle, in which I will (1) knit little bits on a whole bunch of different projects; (2) fail to see sufficient progress on any of them; (3) grow bored with the lack of progress; and (4) cast on more projects so I can feel like I'm getting somewhere.  This is a vicious cycle and I refuse to perpetuate it.  So there.  Again.

9. This is the end.  Bye!

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