Sunday, November 13, 2011

A Brief and Wicked Epistolary Interlude

I love third grade. When I was in third grade, I had Mrs. Sullivan for a teacher. She was young and pretty and kind and sometimes she wore her hair in pigtails, so she was totally awesome. Now that I'm not in school any more, the reason I love third grade is that I get a letter every week. And (this is really the best part) I get to write back. The teacher keeps the letters and the parent responses and, at the end of the year, the whole collection is preserved in a three ring binder and sent home for us to keep forever. Does it get any better than this?

This week, I received the following letter:

In translation, it reads as follows:

Dear Mom and dad:

In library we learned how to use Microsoft Word it was so cool. I can't wait to use it. At lunch there was some weird stuff going on. There were also some funny things going on. In recess there were not a lot of things going on at that time. It was still fun though. In home room, Mr. M. was subbing at that time we were doing a hard work sheet. It was cool.



Like I said, I am supposed to write back. And so I did:

My Dear Nathan:

What a marvelously vague week you must have had! Although I was, as usual, delighted to hear about your activities, I hardly know what to think of the "weird stuff" at lunch, the "funny things" going on somewhere, and the "not a lot of things" going on at recess. Then again, I must congratulate you on your discretion in discussing your personal affairs. Most people these days are entirely too specific in discussing their personal lives and it is difficult to go anywhere in public without being forced to overhear the most embarrassing details of what someone did or said or whom they visited over the weekend. The art of circumspection is clearly being lost, although you, of course, practiced it quite skillfully in your letter. Enjoy your week. I look forward to not hearing about it in your next letter.



Just think: I get to do this EVERY week.

Oh, my poor children.


  1. Okay, you may or may not know (and may or may not care) that I read your blog all the time and am generally very amused. This post, though, made me laugh the whole way through... I was actually shaking with laughter by the time I got through your response letter. An excellent rebuttal. Thank you for sharing this -- and everything --

  2. Hi aimee:

    Thank you so much for your comment! I write to blog for the fun of it, but I really do love knowing that you are reading and enjoying it.